Did I do that?

Stress makes my brain overloaded. I think about so many things at one time, that at times, I cannot remember if I have completed a specific task for the day or if I am remembering that I did it yesterday or last week. Sometimes I think about doing something and not forgetting, that I am unsure if the task has been done or if I just thought about it that much.

I generally have higher level of anxiety than normal people – assuming ‘normal’ is a thing. Being unsure if I have completed a task raises my anxiety. I am unable to set any lingering thoughts about it aside, until I have confirmation of its actual status. With all of this my OCD kicks into full swing and I have to verify if I have actually done the task in question. Even after checking twice, if I am thinking about anything else for even half a second, my brain does not fully record that I have completed what I intended to do. Thus making me do one more round for confirmation. Add a few expletives and to-da! I now know if I did it or not.

Now, just so I am clear – my struggle is with tasks I complete regularly, if not daily. For example: shutting the garage door, grabbing my phone or even locking the front door. It is little, but important things that I do so often and generally on autopilot that boggle my brain and short-term memory. The autopilot in me works 99% of the time. However, when I am under stress, I doubt my abilities and need to check or double-check to release the anxiety that begins to build up as soon as I realize I am not ‘positive’ that I did it.

Somehow I need to learn to trust myself or slow down enough to process what I am doing so I can recall it later. This would be so helpful in reducing the amount of time I wonder, worry and stress. If only I could remember to do that…