So maybe…

So Maybe…

if I was told that consent was mandatory…

I would have known it wasn’t my fault.

if uncomfortable conversations had taken place…

I would have tried to tell you again when you didn’t listen to me or what I was telling you through my tears the first time…

if I hadn’t been a typical teen who lied about which friends I was hanging out with or what movies I was going to see, then you would have believed me when I told you he made me do it.

you would have paused your anger at my tardiness and noticed the state that my makeup, hair and dress were in.

if I had known better I wouldn’t have gotten in the car with an upperclassman by myself…

if I had made better choices I would have stayed with my group of friends… 

if I had been more familiar with the word to label what was happening…

if someone could have told me there doesn’t have to be a weapon for it to be against your will…

I should have been more adamant about saying and screaming NO instead of just physically resisting…

if I had been clairvoyant I wouldn’t have felt used, ashamed and broken… 

I should have learned my lesson the first time and not been so trusting…

going to the frat party and having a few drinks is what got me into trouble…

I should have contained my curiosity and not gone to look out the balcony upstairs, with the music was so loud and no one could hear anything…

it was my fault…

I asked for it…

my outfit, my flirting, my dancing…

someday I will truly recognize it was his choice…

that he should have known better… 

Maybe.