Arachnophobia

I fear spiders. Yes, it is irrational and I recognize that. It is something that has plagued me for as long as I can remember. This has caused me to jump, squeal and cry out on many occasions. Not that I intend on being a free source of entertainment for those around me, it has happened on many occasions. I even have family members who have tried to convince me that they are cute or adorable – nope, not buying it. Even though these evil critters are necessary for the ecosystem I am not a fan.

So I ask myself, why is it that these devilish beasts frighten me so? Maybe it’s the fact that they slip into your house uninvited. Or that they have eight legs and that is simply unnatural. It could even be the eyes…why else would an animal need eight eyes (sometimes six or fewer, but generally eight) except for to see all the possible ways to torture their victims. Spiders seek out the weak and afraid humans. Then they proceed to stalk them, learning their habits and hunt them like prey. Going in after us, all incognito until BAM! they have you tangled in their web and are sitting on your nose staring you right in the eyes with a look similar to the one Dexter gave all his victims. After that you are a goner, no one can save you…

Or it could have to do with their freakishly fast nature and ability to squeeze into the smallest crevice to avoid capture or imminent death. This doesnt even include the fact that on the occasions I have gotten spider bites I have swollen up quite a bit and the injury lasts for 4-6 days even with taking Benadryl and applying cortisone cream.

Seriously though, they are creepy little voyeurs that hide in the shadows and lurk around every corner. I am sure that they thoroughly enjoy popping out at unexpected times just to startle or scare the crap out of people. They probably have a good laugh every time they go to sleep and talk about how I shook with fright or will be lying awake in bed knowing they are still out there. If only I could get a restraining order…

Recently I have gained two guards at my house. Mind you I did not think we needed a security system, but now we have it- without my permission. These guards seem to be consistently in an agitated state and are large, black and covered with fur. The guard station is conveniently located right next to my front door set up with an intricate white multi-story web. Since they have taken up post I have graciously given them the space and privacy that I assume they need to efficiently keep my home safe. Thankfully we have a garage door that lacks the same level of security. Not sure if I would survive if we didn’t…