So I’m officially in the 10-day countdown.
10 days until I have my left leg amputated below the knee.
10 days until I am able to start moving forward with my life.
I have been at such a standstill for so long that it was hard to maintain hope and the will to not be negative and angry at the world all the time. Four years of feeling like I’m struggling with the insanity of trying things over and over and over again. Albeit a variety of things, nothing seemed to work or get better. This surgery is the light at the end of the tunnel and I can’t wait to take a step forward in my life. I’m ready to work hard and to focus on the positive to smile about the little things that don’t really matter but means so much. To start feeling like myself again and to be active like the 33-year-old I am. To start doing all the things that I should be doing; walking the dog, hiking, swimming, biking, playing tennis, with the kid causing trouble, who knows what I’ll get into.
I look forward to seeing the world through new eyes again and reconnecting with myself. Enjoying the simple pleasures of buying a package of new socks and getting double the “new sock feel” out of it since I’ll only have one foot. Life is going to be interesting and I’m sure they’ll be lots of pain from surgery. Probably some phantom pain for a while, but knowing that my nerve pain is probably more intense than the phantom pain will be, gives me comfort.
I also find comfort in knowing that the stupidest little things aren’t going to set me back and prevent me from experiencing life. I’ll be able to roll over in bed without making my ankle swell up because I got caught on the sheets. I’ll be able to kick my legs in the pool without having my ankle swell up from the weight of the water pushing on it. I’ll be able to go for walks and hikes and goof off and dance with my daughter.
This is the beginning of yet another phase of my life. A phase where I will learn more. This is not to say it will be easy because it will be challenging, but for those who know me I never back down from a good challenge. I’m always up for analyzing and looking for work around or strategies to find tune/improve processes. Since I will be the test subject I will have full control – which is fantastic.
Well, I got busy the last week or so and forgot to post this… oops! Tomorrow is the day and aside from having a head cold I am ready. Mentally, physically and emotionally. My daughter has even renamed my surgery – Operation Meet Stumpy – I love it!